ignorance

I am so ignorant.
I know what I truly desire is nothing compared to what You have in store for me.
I continue to adore and play with dirt when You're holding out precious gold.
So even if I know this, why do I still continue to hold on? Does this world still have a strong grasp on me?
I remember during one prayer meeting, I had an image of monsters ugly things grabbing me. But they were behind bars and I was on the othe side totally free.
Why do i stand before those bars? Why am i so afraid to walk away.
My pride and stubborness don't want me to take any more steps. I am afraid of seeing something new.
Even though I know its better.

If I Could Choose

If I could choose; had I the choice,
then I would come to you to calm your fears,
to hold your hand and wipe away each tear,
to laugh with you and ever to rejoice
each victory and all the little joys.
And if you hearing this have ears to hear,
I pray our friendship lasts for many years,
for I am blessed each time I hear your voice.
But when I cannot come, then I shall choose
to pray and bless you any way I can,
in word and deed, in preaching the good news
which you believe, for it is better than
our friendship, which I never want to lose,
the friendship God has blessed since it began.

nothing

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

I've been trying every other door, every other path, any other way possible to make myself feel better- to feel comfort in my soul. But I'm now seeing that nothing can take Your place. I need to stop searching for a joy that is right under my nose. I've tried so many things to help me feel better and the more i search, the emptier I feel. The more I try to fight things on my own, the weaker I become and I am defeated in a blink of an eye.

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

I truly have nothing without You.

I am so encouraged and amused by my psychology teacher. No matter how disinterested his students look, he still has this passion for what he teaches us and I think thats so essential; having a desire to pass on what you know and continuously trying to encourage your students. No matter how tired I am in the morning for this class, I leave so encouraged and a bit more curious. Other than that..

So many times a day I realized how many times I use the word "I" , "Me" , "My" .. and every time i use the word "I", I use the word "You" a lot less. So selfish when it comes to my own desires, so quick to victimize myself when something goes wrong, so proud when I do a small task right. How many times will I stop using the word "I" and start saying "You".

How frustrating is it to watch Your children stumble over the same cracks on that same road that we've been on before? Hearts continue to harden, heads continue to turn away and for what? For a world that only gives us this momentary pleaure- and like fools we continue to run back to it.

When will our heads and our hearts faithfully turn to You?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I wanted to harden my heart, to not feel as vulnerable as I had a few months ago. But now I realize, opening myself, putting everything down and possibly humbling myself before You gives me nothing to lose.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. - Romans 3:5